"DOUBT!"

This past week, I rented a DVD of a movie that seemed to hit me in the most personal way. I did not see it coming. The movie was "Doubt".

Other than being an incredibly well made movie....the best of actors and their performances....and a very good plot line....it was, well, disturbing on so many levels.

The movie takes place one year after the assassination of President Kennedy in a Catholic school. It's about a priest who is accused of an inappropriate relationship with an eighth grade African American student and the battle between him and the principal of the school, played by Meryl Streep.

You see, I was in the 4th grade in a Catholic School the year after President Kennedy was shot. Oddly enough, the name of the school was the same as the one in the movie, St. Nicholas.

I did not expect the movie to be so emotional for me. During a scene when Meryl Streep as Sister Aloysius enters one of the classrooms and the students jumped to their feet in fear, I found my heart racing and my throat dry. It was a little too close to home.

The only difference between the nuns in this movie and the nuns that taught me through my eight years at St. Nick's was bonnets versus veils. Our nuns wore the long black veils that billowed back when they quickly walked towards a student to scare the life out of them.

Yes, it's true. There was many a time that the nuns' main method of discipline was intimidation. Believe me that's putting it mildly. They were at times so unreasonable and irrational that they were viewed by the students as "the enemy". Let's face it...some people should NOT teach children. But what else did nuns do back in the 1960's? They weren't working at hot dog shops, grocery stores or in offices. It was teach or nurse.

I gotta tell ya...Meryl Streep's performance was phenomenal. She was terrifying. Unbending and stiff necked. She was a true Catholic nun.

Now I know that some of you out there are probably feeling offended by my description of nuns and I wish I could tell you that my treatment was different than what I am insinuating, but I cannot.

Yes, there were those nuns who were decent...like Sister Patricia McNicholas. She ended up starting the Beatitude House in Youngstown that helps single women and their children to move towards an education and self sufficiency. She was my eighth grade teacher and I can't say I have any complaints towards her. There was also Sister Wanda who was rumored to have had a mental breakdown due to the stresses of teaching the junior high students. This.....I believe. We were the worst kind of kids. I remember her as being sweet and easy to be around.

But then I remember Sister Anita who slapped me across the face because she warned me, after yelling at me, that I better not cry or else. I cried....she slapped. I was in the first grade.

There was the principal who made me take my pierced earrings out because they were inappropriate in the 6th grade. Actually, I was only wearing the wire....there was no decoration on it. But she held it in her hand and announced to everyone that they were huge.

But the worst or the worst (I'm not sure if that is correct grammar and I don't care), was when, a few years ago, I discovered that the boy who sat in front of me all during those eight years had been sexually molested by one of the priests. He and his brother were altar boys and finally after over 35 years, brought it out in the open and on the news. I found this very disturbing and even felt a little guilty.

Really? What could I have done even if I had known? We were children. Innocent children who were at the mercy of "the church". Not JUST the church, but the " one and only Catholic Church".

Please understand, I do NOT hate the Catholic Church. But my memories are not fraught with fun and warmth. I'm sorry, but it's true. The uniforms, the pews, the confessionals, all give me the creeps. I don't have alot of fond memories.

Oh wait....I do. The only times I ever got detention in school was when I was fulling around during mass. I would make my mittens into puppets and do puppet shows to the liturgy. It was hysterical. I got a week's detention. Good times....good times.

Recess was fun. I liked it........hmmmmm. Let me think......no....I got kicked out choir because I was accused of singing soprano instead of alto. So choir was not a good time. Actually to this day, I dislike singing in a choir. I won't do it.

There WAS my eighth grade teacher Mr. Very, who offered to help me with my science fair project. I was going to prove evolution. He offered to take me to YSU to get some animal sculls to exhibit. I just thought he was being a pervert. Come on I was 13, what do you expect.....rational thinking?

Yeah, so I had my issues too. I wasn't completely without some guilt.

But, the movie "Doubt" really brought that whole period of my life back to me.

I would suggest the movie to anyone who went to Catholic school during the 60's. Make sure you have your rosaries. (Just kidding).