So....what grates on YOUR nerves? Sayings I Hate and Sayings I Love.

There are a few sayings that seriously make me want to spit. When people say them, I roll my eyes and usually say some crazy sarcastic something and then they probably walk away clicking their tongues and committing me to prayer. So I will tell you the ones I hate and some that I love and I want to here your "faves" (she said sarcastically).

HATED

#1: "All I want is for you to be happy."

Did you ever watch a TV show or a movie or even (gulp) said this to your children? I just can't believe that anyone would want just "happiness" for their children! Seriously? On more than one occasion, I've been known to give the TV the raspberries because of this line on a show. My husband loves to tell my children: "Remember, your mother doesn't want you happy, she wants you miserable....now go clean your room!"

WHY?

Do you wonder why we have produced a generation of video game playing, temper tantrum throwing, selfish individuals? I'm sure that last statement pretty much says it all and it's not that I want my kids to be UNhappy. It's just that I want SO MUCH MORE for them.

I want them to be: considerate, generous, courageous, loving, giving, full of grace and forgiveness, smart, wise discerning, creative, etc.

Do you see what I mean? When you tell a child that ALL you want is for them to be happy then all they will EVER DO is pursue happiness (for themselves and no one else).

This is why parenting is so hard. If I just wanted my kids to be happy all I would have to do is give them whatever they want and watch them smile and giggle. Let me tell you, throwing candy at a video game playing 22 year old and watching him giggle and suck his thumb is not a pretty picture to me. I want my kids to grow up to be responsible adults.

#2: "When your children are little they step on your toes, when they're older they step on your hearts."

Seriously, telling this to the parent of teenagers does not help. At least not me. Usually these "words of wisdom" are thrown at me when I'm telling someone how my kid just ripped my heart out of my chest and did a flamingo dance on it. I really don't want to hear your cute little saying. I need more than this. I need help (maybe drugs?)

#3: "I don't pray for patience because then I'm going to NEED it."

Well that's just brilliant. I got a newsflash for you. That thing that's going to happen that makes you impatient is going to happen whether you pray for patience or not. I'm thinkin' you BETTER be praying for patience instead of handling that little gem on your own.

#4: "Woman of God"

How could someone who loves God HATE this phrase?! I guess it happened when someone came to my house one time and saw how unkept it was and wouldn't speak to me for weeks because they thought I was "a woman of God". Then they saw my house was messy and they changed their opinion of me. Mind you, they came to help me move and were mortified to find that we were not prepared with all of our boxes packed and the house swept and ready. It was then, that this phrase being thrown around made my eye twitch.

Oh NO! Wait! It was before that! It was when I was having coffee with a friend and she commented on my two other friends about what "women of God" they were and then she said, "And you're so funny." I HATE this phrase!

Now for a couple of sayings I LOVE

#1: "You know what your problem is? You've got a freak flag and you're just not flying it." From the movie "The Family Stone"

Yep! I've got to admit it and you may find it hard to believe, there are days I DON'T fly my freak flag. It's true. In my line of work, I meet with city officials, pastors, commissioners, judges and flying a freak flag COULD be detrimental. But the truth is: I'm a freak! And I love it! I say if you have a freak flag....fly it...with discernment.

#2: "The Bible in the hand of one man is more dangerous than a whiskey bottle in the hand of another." From the book "To Kill A Mockingbird"

I have seen this at work. People who use the Bible to intimidate, manipulate, and hurt people. I've seen people totally destroyed because someone took a scripture out of context and pulverized another person's self esteem. People have used the Bible to create their own power trips....(shall we talk about Adolf Hitler and the Ku Klux Klan?). To be honest, these people used the Bible as a rule book and more than likely did NOT have a relationship with God. There's real danger there.

So those are a few of my favorite sayings I hate and sayings I love. What about you? Do you have any? Please share.

"Come Unity" Community!

I have some friends who have been praying about and thinking about living in community. I have some friends who "are" living in community. As a matter of fact, whether we realize it or not, most people are involved in some sort of community.

Last year I had the opportunity to work a few Fridays at our local flea market. Rogers Market, (or Rogers Mall as some of us hicks call it), has it's own community. The merchants there know one another and look out for one another. Although I was not a regular, they welcomed me as though I was one of their own immediately. They showed me the ropes and even shared their gossip with me. It was an interesting and rewarding experience. It made me want to return and continue to get to know this diverse group of people that have found community in pavilions, cement and dirt floors, fruits, vegetables, and concession stands.

My first experience living in community (not counting growing up in my Italian home with my brother and parents), was almost 30 years ago. I was in a theater troupe that toured throughout the country. The women shared a house and the men shared a house. I don't recall using the word "community", but that's exactly what it was. At one point, there were nine of us living together at the "Sisters' House". It was a large old house next door to a Catholic High School and just about one or two blocks from our local state university. It was an experience I look back on and smile.

Not to be confused with another time about three years later when I moved into another "Sisters' House" in a different town with only three other women. When I look back on this time, I spend some time smiling and some time wincing at the conflict that consistently showed itself. There were serious tumultuous times. Some knock down drag out fights. Tons of selfishness and misunderstandings. It was still community. With a dose of hysteria. Some of the guys in our church called us the "Hen House". Although some of the women were offended by the term, I thought it was funny. Believe me, feathers flew!

I find the combination of "come" and "unity" interesting. Our cry for community, as God intended, in the first house was experienced. We lived what we believed about love and forgiveness in Jesus. My other experience struggled to attain the same type of community. We were too self absorbed.

Both experiences brought me closer to God. I mean that was the whole idea, right? It didn't matter how it was accomplished, either I grew closer to God because I experienced His love and grace together with my friends or because I ran to Him for safety and understanding. Both experiences were good experiences. I still have some close relationships with a couple of these women. From both situations.

I have also lived in "community" with families. I lived with a young family for about ten months who had two small children and then about 14 years later found our own young family living with them again, in my own home. Their family having grown to seven, it was a real interesting experience. Still, we are friends to this day, although they have moved to another town.

I have experienced a sort of community at my place of employment, which is also a ministry to those who find themselves in need. We work together to minister to those in our community who need food and clothing. We experience the joy of watching God work in individuals lives. We experience the sorrow of the death of young people on drugs or the elderly we love leaving this world. We marvel at the miracle of God's provision when we are struggling to attain food for our food pantry. We have conflict. This is community. It's life with one another. It's a call to unity.

Anyone who is desiring this is desiring what God had intended for us. "It is not good for man to be alone." God wanted community for Adam so He created Eve.

Although the most easy and peaceful times of my life have been when I've lived in an apartment alone, they have not been as rich as those times with others. By "rich", I mean I have acquired a wealth of grace, love, forgiveness, mercy, strength, courage, etc. when I have had someone living beside me, walking with me in my journey.

This lifestyle is completely upside down from what our culture is use to. It is looked at as "wrong". In my line of work, if two families are lviing together under one roof, one of them is considered homeless. I NEVER considered my friends who lived with me "homeless".

Everytime I made a choice to live with someone, isn't wasn't because my current situation was bad, it was God calling me to that place. A friend of mine once asked me why I moved so much. "Were you tired of the curtains?" We got a great laugh from that. It's just not accepted as normal.

Yes, there were times, I was screaming for God to release me from certain situations. They were hard. There was conflict. But it wasn't until the conflict was resolved or at least managed, that God said "Okay, time to move on." And he did that alot.

When I was living peacfully in my little apartment and Mike and Chris asked me to live with them and their baby, I did so because I felt strongly that God was calling me to. When I moved out into a trailor by myself, it was because God was calling me to a place of solitude. Those times of solitude that God gave me were much less than the times of community. I believe the reason for that was because God intended for me to live in community.

So, I say to those friends who are considering life in community, you are considering living as God had intended. It's not good for you to be alone. He longs to create community for you. Go for it!

Shame

I have a friend who recently wrote a post on "Shame" on her blog. It was different than what I am writing today.
I want to be able to articulate my feelings in such a way that will truly tell the truth of what is in my heart.
I am poor. Not just poor in spirit. Just plain poor.
Monetarily poor. Our family lives under the national poverty income guidelines. We struggle from week to week and month to month and year to year.
Today I had a whopper of an arguement with God. I hate being poor. I told him. He said "I called you to this."
I said, "I don't WANT to be poor!"
He said, "Yes you do. You want my will."
DANG IT!
He's blessed right@!!!!
The problem isn't that being poor is bad. The problem is that being poor in this country is viewed as "shameful".
Fingers are wagged at us constantly and make us feel like we are lazy!
My husband works in a place that burns toxic waste and he sandblasts their tanks. In a hazmat suit. In ninety degree weather. And HE's LAZY????
I work for a place that serves other people just like me. I see them every day. People struggling from one pay check to another. People who have cancer and can't work. People who's children have a disability and they have to stay home and care for them. People who worked all of their lives and then had their pensions and retirement ripped away from them and can't get more than $10. a month in food stamps.
And yet we're made to feel shameful.
Well, here's what I say to you...middle class and upper class America.
SHAME ON YOU!
SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Shame on you when you roll your eyes at homeless people as you drive by in your SUV feeding your children their third McDonald's meal in the backseat of your vehicle.
SHAME ON YOU!
Shame on you when you sit watching the news on your large screen TV in your beautiful home and judge your neighbor who is sitting on their front porch with three other families living with them because they can't afford to pay rent at three different places and must share a three bedroom home for 11 people.
SHAME ON YOU!
Shame on you when you make comments about people going to food giveaways at organizations and are concerned that they may go to more than one place and get food more than once a month from someplace. It's a shame that they only go to Sam's Club to take advantage of the free samples because they can't afford to fill their cart with all the lovely bulk items that you can.
Shame on you because you can help and you don't.
You don't want to enable them. Enable them to.....survive?
So, if I've offended someone today. Well, I'm sorry.
I don't want to feel shame anymore. I want to help as much as I am able to.
I, too, am to blame for these shameful things. The shameful attitudes towards others. So shame on me.
God help us to be like You and give out of whatever we have to those who have less. And sometimes even to those who have more. Just help us to be like you.

Takin' It To The Streets by The Doobie Brothers

You don't know me but I'm your brother
I was raised here in this living hell
You don't know my kind in your world
Fairly soon the time will tell

You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

Take this message to my brother
You will find him everywhere
Wherever people live together
Tied in poverty's despair

You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

Being "Out There"

I've told this story before, but I think it's been about a year...so I'm telling it again.

About two years ago, my girlfriend and I went to a local Christian bookstore and were browsing when a certain book caught my eye. I cannot remember the title of the book, but I remember the emphasis of the tag line. It was something about how Satan is everywhere and this book was going to help you recognize him in all those places that you frequent and never realized he was there.

I must admit, I could have rolled my eyes from the store to the next county. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bla, bla, bla.

I know, I know. Satan is on TV and in movies and magazines and books and in bars and restaurants. He's behind every nook and cranny. Beware! Beware!

Okay....drama queen.

But just as quickly as these feelings assaulted me, there came a nudging from God.

"He is everywhere. But so am I, and I'm much bigger."

Hmmmm.

As if a light bulb went on, I realized the immense attack on the church. Satan is out there. He's everywhere. So make sure you're safe. Stay in the church. Drench yourself in your church activities, and Bible studies, and small groups. Go on Sunday, Sunday night, and every other night if you can. Just make sure you don't have time to.....(gasp)....go out there.

Why?

Here's the dangerous genius in this. Satan knows, that if he could keep us in church and away from everyone else.....we can't influence what's happening "out there".

You may be thinking...."yeah? so?"

This was a huge epiphany for me. (okay, so maybe I'm a bit slow). But just think.....if we spent less time in the church building and activities and more time "out there"....living like Him....loving like Him.....just...being like Him; think....what's the results.

Maybe....(and I know this may sound a bit.....fantastic)....maybe...if we were "out there" more....being like Jesus...maybe we could make huge strides in helping people see Him....know Him.....meet Him....know His love.

Now, before you grab your backpack and fill it with tracts and water bottles with scripture to throw at everyone you meet....THIS IS NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

NEWSFLASH....This is just plain annoying. People will run away when they see you coming. They'll laugh at you. In the end, you will have had less of an influence on them (as in shining God's light) and you would be more of a laughing stock. AND an annoyance!

What I'm talking about is just "being there". Living your life like...well....like Jesus actually lives inside of you. Accepting people. Loving them. Laughing with them.

So....with this. I've had an idea that I'm throwing "out there" to you and anyone you may know that may be interested in what I'm throwing at you. Got that?

Anyway....I have been, for years, wanting to start a comedy team that would go into bars, churches, parties....wherever God would open doors. It wouldn't perform "christian" stuff. It would just perform short comedy skits, much like, (sit down) Saturday Night Live or Carol Burnett (my hero). It would not be improv, because I'm not very sure I can do improv. It would perform original skits that I have written (or anyone else). They would be "safe". Thus the name of the team would be....

Squeaky Clean Comedy Relief

It would be fun, sometimes incredibly stupid, and sometimes incredibly intelligent, but the goal is.....(are you ready for this?)

To make people laugh.

(GASP!)

I'm quite serious. (I made a funny.)

So, if you are someone who is gifted in this area or interested in seeing if you are gifted in this area and being part of something like this...or have some ideas...or you are interested yourself, Please comment!

We'll be in touch and we'll talk and have coffee and brainstorm and maybe even pray. Let me know what you think.

Wanna be "out there"?

If I'm "Here"....Where is everyone else?

"The Journey"

So, let's talk about this journey that we call "life". If life is looked at as a journey, are we all on the same road?

My thoughts are "no". I believe we are all on a road, but not necessarily the same one.

I'm pretty sure that some of the people I'm closest to are not traveling in the same direction as I am. The other thing that I'm pretty sure of is that some people I don't know....some people I love....some people I don't even like.....ARE on the same road. The problem is we just don't look the same.

Here's what I'm talking about:

When I first began working at the non-profit I work at now (over six years ago), we use to have this survey sheet where we would ask people these questions. I personally felt it was very intrusive, but I asked anyway and I learned alot about people.

One of the questions was:

Do you have a relationship with God?

Then:

Do you attend church?

Interesting thing....many...I would even say MOST people answered the first question in the affirmative, but answered the second question with a resounding "NO!"

The usual reason was because people in church were hypocrites. My answer to that was usually that people in grocery stores were hypocrites, too, but I still go shopping for food. I don't think I would use this come back anymore. My view of these people has changed. I try not to judge them.

Because, really, is it more important to go to church....or to have a relationship with God?

Who are we to judge what that relationship with God looks like? If were are all on a journey called "Life" are we all in the same place?

Talk about a massive traffic jam!

If we are not in the same place, I don't think our spiritual lives will look the same. Ten years ago I was in a different place on my journey than I am now. It wasn't a bad place, it was a different place. I've moved onto a new place, but somewhere there is someone in the same place now as I was ten years ago. Can I look at them and say "Wow....they need to get it together."

YIKES! I would have been really offended if I knew someone was thinking that about me. And yet, I've heard people in the church say these very things about people who don't attend church.

Or they may say (my personal favorite) "That person needs spirituality!"

If these are your thoughts....then what you don't know about spirituality is alot!

Because these people don't sit in a service on Sunday mornings for an hour or so and sing songs about or to Jesus, they must not be "saved". (this concept, by the way, is sometimes really abused by the church).

Here's a newsflash....

There was a time that I didn't attend church and I thought about God all of the time. I talked to Him. I asked Him questions. I prayed. And yet, I didn't even know what it meant to be "saved".

I had a relationship with Him. I was quite spiritual.

Now mind you, I didn't know anyone at the time who was saved who could help me to find my way closer to God. I didn't have someone showing me the richness of the Bible. When I looked at the Bible, it was like reading a foreign language. So I didn't read it. I just wanted to know God.

Then one day someone told me God loved me and wanted to live in my heart.

Really? Seriously? THE God? Loved ME?

Hey...if The God wants to live in my heart? I'm for it!

That's pretty much what it was like. I then met people who loved me like God loved me and gently (at least sometimes it was gentle) lead me and guided me on this journey I'm on now. Sometimes, they really weren't gentle and it really put me on paths that were difficult. Sometimes I chose those paths for myself. But this is a "JOURNEY"...right? The scenery is going to change. The road will not always be straight and even. Many times it will be rocky and hilly and mountainous. Sometimes we'll be wandering around valleys or caves or tunnels. But it's MY journey. Everyone has their OWN journey.

Some of those people (the ones that were sometimes gentle and sometimes...not gentle?) have moved to different spots on the journey and I don't see them any more. But God has given me other comrades that I travel with and learn with and it's always an adventure. And it should be.

But NOT everyone is THERE. And that's good.

The last I heard, God is everywhere. So He's with them...wherever they are. He holds our hands and helps all of us maneuver the rocks and mountains, He's next to us in the caves and tunnels, He's walking with us in the valleys. And if ever our paths should meet, I don't feel like I have to pull those others off of their road and drag them to mine. Unless God leads them there, I could just love them where they are and maybe even travel with them for awhile.

But I feel I need to respect where they are and even enjoy where they are and maybe God will let me watch and enjoy their journey. And maybe we could enjoy our journeys together!

Get Your Mind (out of the pew and) Into The Gutter

Part Four
The Games People Play

When I look back on my life as a church attending Christian, I am saddened at the pressures I have placed on my spiritual siblings. Not only the ones that I was fellowshipping with in church, but the ones that didn't attend church. The ones that wanted to know their Heavenly Father, but were met with barriers that I constructed with my church games and masks.

Why? Because they just didn't do it right. They didn't use the same words or act the same way or wear the same clothes or smell right. They weren't maturing fast enough. They weren't playing by the rules. They just wanted to know God, but they didn't want to play the game. The church game.

Years ago our church was planning their annual Christmas Banquet and I went to a friend and asked if they were going to it. They looked at me irritably and said, "No, my husband and I don't want to play church anymore." When I was telling someone their answer I told him, "I didn't want to play church, I wanted to play banquet." I thought this was funny.

But the truth is, we DO play church. We have the rules and we either play by the rules or we are told that we "missed God".

What are the rules? Oh they are different in different churches. Some churches say, no smoking, no drinking, no dancing: these things will get you into hell. Some churches won't allow you to have communion with them unless you are a member of their denomination. I was once told that if I didn't lose weight I would be asked to leave the church. My weight issue was a sign that I wasn't really following God and that would make the church look bad.

Or perhaps you worship differently.

You raise your hands....you don't raise your hands.

You speak in tongues....you don't speak in tongues.

You sing and then have a teaching.....you have your teaching first.....the children stay in with you during "worship"....the children have their own worship time....you begin with coffee and donuts....THIS IS CHURCH NOT A COFFEE SHOPPE!!!!!

These are all things I've heard in church through my years there.

It's like.....Church Monopoly!

You land on a certain square...pick up the card....and it says, "You were seen smoking a cigarette outside today....I'm sorry, now go straight to hell, do not pass "Go", do not collect $200." (or something like that).

And the masks! Oh brother!

I know of people who attend church "religiously" (pun intended). They were elders and deacons in the church, but at home they were abusing their wives and their children. Some were being sexually abused.

In church they wore the mask of a Christian well.

At home they were monsters, terrorising their families.

Or how about the mask that says "I'm a great Christian...I'm getting it. I do all the right things and say the right words."

But inside they're wondering "Why? I really don't get it. Why do we do this?"

Their fear that their "brothers and sisters" may find out that they're really questioning church or ....God....helps them to keep the mask on for fear that people will think they are not really "saved".

This is why people don't go to church. This why people say the church is full of hypocrites. Because...many times....they are. I was a hypocrite.

In the Bible, they were called something else.....Pharisees.

15 "How terrible for you, teachers of the law and Pharisees! You are hypocrites! You travel across land and sea to find one person who will change to your ways. When you find that person, you make him more fit for hell than you are.

Matthew 23:15

I believe that people are hungering and thirsting for authentic Believers. People who are not afraid to be real. When people see that we as Christians are real, maybe they will believe God is real. When they see that we accept them as they are and love them, then maybe they will believe that Jesus accepts them and loves them.

There use to be a show on late night TV called "Politically Incorrect". It was during the Clinton administration and being "politically correct" was very important. On the show they would have different people from celebrities to politicians to journalists discussing the issues of the time. One night they were discussing abortion and it turned into a "crucify the Christians" fest. At one point, an actress who was a known Christian said, "Wait a minute! When did Christians become the bad guys." Bill Maher (I don't know how to spell his name), said, "When they stopped acting like Jesus."

Wow! That struck home to me. Did I stop acting like Jesus? Was I just playing a game or wearing a mask?

What about you? What do you think?