Organic Community - The Way I See It

For the past two days the word "organic" has been filtering through my thoughts. In and out. I am finally sitting down to write.

When I began to meet with a house church in 2005, there were a few words that kept coming up in conversation that I just didn't know what people were talking about.

Missional
Ermergent
Organic community

It has taken a few years, but I think I am finally understanding what these words mean.

Now I'm not going to say "all churches should be this way", but I will say, "This is what I believe....." and you can form your own opinion.

I do want to say, that some church people have a bad habit of finding these great buzz words and using them without taking into account that there may be those around you who don't know what you are talking about.
No matter how many times I asked what these words meant, I just couldn't understand. I'm not sure the people who were using them knew what they were about.

But the last two days, I've been thinking a lot about the church being "organic". Alive....breathing.....

Now some people may think that the church is always "alive", but my experiences in the church over the past 54 years, has taught me that this isn't always the case.

I have found that, at times, the church can actually squelch something that God is trying to bring to life, because it doesn't fit the mold they are use to. But I don't want to talk about what the church has done, I want to talk about this Living, Breathing, Organic church.

Now remember, this is how I see it. If you don't see it the same, that's fine.

I see something that is organic as something that is born of the Holy Spirit. It is something "free forming" and it doesn't fit into a mold or a box. You cannot create a model of it. It usually doesn't follow three points. It just ......IS. It is something that happens, not because you PLANNED it to happen, but because God breathed LIFE into it.
So if a church or community of Believers is organic, is it something WE can create?

I think it is something we can desire. I think it is something we can pray for. I think we can pursue it with a passion. But I'm not sure WE can make it happen.

I think we can pursue relationships and something can happen and it is organic.

I think something that is organic is moved and created by the Holy Spirit like a set of chimes is moved and the music it makes is created by the wind.

Not only are the chimes I own beautiful sounding and the music they make is from the wind, but they were made out of recycled materials by my husband. But that is another blog post...maybe in about a week.

We live in a society, culture, country that wants to see progress and perfection AND we want to see it fast. But in the real world, that is a rare thing. Progress takes time and perfection is usually disappointing, because it's never really perfect, especially when it comes to human beings. I think that's why an organic church is so hard to see. We get tired of waiting for what we "think" it should look like and begin to try to create something on our own. We usually end up with something that is NOT organic. WHY? Because we didn't let the Spirit work, we did it ourselves.

Again, these are just MY thoughts.

Some examples of organic community that I have seen are anything but perfect. WHY? Because they involve less than perfect human brings. There's a men's group that meets at our local Inn called BOB (Band OF Brothers). I'm not sure when it began to meet, and I don't even really know the guys in it, but it is a good example of organic community. It has lasted a while. There are strong relationships where these brothers are accountable to one another without being oppressive. Some churches may look at them a bit sideways and wonder about them, some of them don't "look" like your normal church goer, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to them. And it certainly doesn't matter to God, because He knows better than anyone.....their hearts.

Organic may not look or feel nice, but I believe it is REAL. It is true. It is LIFE.

So these are my thoughts on organic community. I have a lot more, but I don't have a lot of time to just sit and write. I would love to hear YOUR thoughts on organic community. What do you think?

"DOUBT!"

This past week, I rented a DVD of a movie that seemed to hit me in the most personal way. I did not see it coming. The movie was "Doubt".

Other than being an incredibly well made movie....the best of actors and their performances....and a very good plot line....it was, well, disturbing on so many levels.

The movie takes place one year after the assassination of President Kennedy in a Catholic school. It's about a priest who is accused of an inappropriate relationship with an eighth grade African American student and the battle between him and the principal of the school, played by Meryl Streep.

You see, I was in the 4th grade in a Catholic School the year after President Kennedy was shot. Oddly enough, the name of the school was the same as the one in the movie, St. Nicholas.

I did not expect the movie to be so emotional for me. During a scene when Meryl Streep as Sister Aloysius enters one of the classrooms and the students jumped to their feet in fear, I found my heart racing and my throat dry. It was a little too close to home.

The only difference between the nuns in this movie and the nuns that taught me through my eight years at St. Nick's was bonnets versus veils. Our nuns wore the long black veils that billowed back when they quickly walked towards a student to scare the life out of them.

Yes, it's true. There was many a time that the nuns' main method of discipline was intimidation. Believe me that's putting it mildly. They were at times so unreasonable and irrational that they were viewed by the students as "the enemy". Let's face it...some people should NOT teach children. But what else did nuns do back in the 1960's? They weren't working at hot dog shops, grocery stores or in offices. It was teach or nurse.

I gotta tell ya...Meryl Streep's performance was phenomenal. She was terrifying. Unbending and stiff necked. She was a true Catholic nun.

Now I know that some of you out there are probably feeling offended by my description of nuns and I wish I could tell you that my treatment was different than what I am insinuating, but I cannot.

Yes, there were those nuns who were decent...like Sister Patricia McNicholas. She ended up starting the Beatitude House in Youngstown that helps single women and their children to move towards an education and self sufficiency. She was my eighth grade teacher and I can't say I have any complaints towards her. There was also Sister Wanda who was rumored to have had a mental breakdown due to the stresses of teaching the junior high students. This.....I believe. We were the worst kind of kids. I remember her as being sweet and easy to be around.

But then I remember Sister Anita who slapped me across the face because she warned me, after yelling at me, that I better not cry or else. I cried....she slapped. I was in the first grade.

There was the principal who made me take my pierced earrings out because they were inappropriate in the 6th grade. Actually, I was only wearing the wire....there was no decoration on it. But she held it in her hand and announced to everyone that they were huge.

But the worst or the worst (I'm not sure if that is correct grammar and I don't care), was when, a few years ago, I discovered that the boy who sat in front of me all during those eight years had been sexually molested by one of the priests. He and his brother were altar boys and finally after over 35 years, brought it out in the open and on the news. I found this very disturbing and even felt a little guilty.

Really? What could I have done even if I had known? We were children. Innocent children who were at the mercy of "the church". Not JUST the church, but the " one and only Catholic Church".

Please understand, I do NOT hate the Catholic Church. But my memories are not fraught with fun and warmth. I'm sorry, but it's true. The uniforms, the pews, the confessionals, all give me the creeps. I don't have alot of fond memories.

Oh wait....I do. The only times I ever got detention in school was when I was fulling around during mass. I would make my mittens into puppets and do puppet shows to the liturgy. It was hysterical. I got a week's detention. Good times....good times.

Recess was fun. I liked it........hmmmmm. Let me think......no....I got kicked out choir because I was accused of singing soprano instead of alto. So choir was not a good time. Actually to this day, I dislike singing in a choir. I won't do it.

There WAS my eighth grade teacher Mr. Very, who offered to help me with my science fair project. I was going to prove evolution. He offered to take me to YSU to get some animal sculls to exhibit. I just thought he was being a pervert. Come on I was 13, what do you expect.....rational thinking?

Yeah, so I had my issues too. I wasn't completely without some guilt.

But, the movie "Doubt" really brought that whole period of my life back to me.

I would suggest the movie to anyone who went to Catholic school during the 60's. Make sure you have your rosaries. (Just kidding).

It's Madness....Madness, I tell ya! Main Street Madness!!!!!

MAIN STREET MADNESS: that's the name of our new comedy group!

I know that it's been a while since I've written. I have a new thing in my life that is keeping me very busy. Yes, it's true. I'm reading fortunes now.

Just kidding!

This past weekend the new comedy team that I am a part of debuted for comedian Ron McGehee. This is one of my favorite characters, Natasha, Gypsy Queen.

My daughter did my make up and my husband made "crystal ball" out of a fish bowl and a tap light.

So now that I'm writing for this theater group, I'm really having a hard time finding the time to write in either of my blogs. I thought it only fair that I keep you updated.

This performance was just a preshow. It was about 20 minutes long and it was a combination of live on stage sketches and video.

The pictures are from our dress rehearsal. You may see some people you know. I worked with a great group of actors who were willing to go out on a limb and give their all in their performances. I was very proud of each of them.

I've tried to upload the video, but I don't think it's working. Maybe some day I'll figure it out.

On May 16 at 9:00 AM we will have auditions for a full length variety show in the fall. If you know of anyone interested, just tell them to come to Main Street Theater.

Anyway, hope to see you at the theater soon!

BABY CAMELS, ARMY BOOTS, DREAMS, AND LOSING SLEEP

It is nearly 2:30 AM and I am sitting at my laptop in my unheated dowstairs to tell you about a dream I just had that is keeping me awake. I believe that God has a message in it for us all. It's been a long time since I have had such a dream that I have felt so strongly is from Him.

I don't really watch the news that much anymore. I'm not sure why. I don't read papers. We can't afford to get them. But apparently God wants me to remember that our country is at war.

Here's the dream:

Ken, my husband, my two children Nick and Olivia and I were walking towards our car which was parked on a deserted dusty road. My son, Nick, was about 14 and my daughter was around 12. Nick ran ahead to get into the car, but when he got to the car a very strange thing met him there. Blocking his way was a baby camel with a pair of army boots in it's mouth. My husband immediately assessed the situation and ran to him. He ripped the army boots out of the baby camel's mouth and then swung them and struck the camel with the boots. The camel broke out into a very loud and terrible wail. It's mouth open, it looked accusingly at us and sobbed, sounding very much like a crying adolescent. It trotted away, glaring at us as it went and it's cries faded as it rounded the corner of the road.

I cannot remember why, but my husband and I found ourselves walking through this all American neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood I grew up in in the 50's and 60's. Middle class homes, Cape cods and ranches neatly side by side in a quaint suburban setting. No one was on the streets. I could hear the sound of our shoes echoing against the pavement and everything seemed very eerie. As we walked through this community something struck me. I could see the people who lived in the homes. And although the neighborhood was quite American, the people were all Middle Eastern. It was very strange to see them in this setting, interacting with one another. Eating dinner, watching TV, playing games, talking. Not one "American" looking individual. And then, as we passed one of the streets, there it was, trotting away from us, as if taking inventory of it's homes; the baby camel.

We walked faster, seeing our car in the distance, a feeling of terror rising in us.

When we got to the car, we thought Nick was in it, but he wasn't. We didn't know where Olivia had gone. When we looked towards the street we had just walked down, our son was coming towards us, looking frightened. He walked faster and right before he got to us he said, "Is it really you?"

I chuckled and made a terrible mistake by saying jokingly, "No, it's a baby camel."

His eyes got big and he began to back away. I told him I was kidding, but he was terrified. He took a few steps back and then a row of people from the nighborhood appeared blocking him from us and then another row blocking him from running the other way. We then saw that Olivia was blocked from coming to us also.

They all just stood there looking at us. A very bizarre sight in that middle class American neighborhood. Some dressed in traditonal middle eastern garb. Others dressed like any other person who lives in our country. There were people of all ages. Moms and Dads, Grandmas and Grandpas, Brothers and Sisters, children of all ages; teens, pre-teens, elementary age, toddlers and babies. All just standing there. Looking at us accusingly. Somehow, that one action, hitting that baby camel with those boots had hurt them deeply and I saw it in each of their eyes.

They were not going to let us have our children back.

I woke up.

When I did, I was very disturbed by the dream and I have not been able to sleep since. That was over an hour and half ago and I have a 9 hour day tomorrow at work. But I could NOT sleep.

The message in the dream was haunting me as I lay in my bed, blinded by the full moon outside.

That baby camel. Army boots. A middle class post WW2 American neighborhood filled with people from the very place our country's children are fighting and losing their lives. And again, the sound of the baby camel's cries as it trotted through the neighborhood announcing it's pain for all to hear.

I said that I felt God wanted me to remember that our country is at war, but more, to remember that our country's children are spilling their blood in a foreign land that is filled with people like you and me. Moms and Dads, Grandmas and Grandpas, children of all ages....babies: they are all casualties of this war.

My heart aches as it all becomes so clear. I found myself wanting to fall at Jesus's feet and cling to Him crying out to save us all from this terrible war.

I look at myself in sorrow. I have been so consumed with what's happening in our country right now: the economy, unemployment, companies going belly-up, banks foreclosing on people's homes....so much pain and fear. And then this dream reminds me of what's happening overseas to our children. And it's not just our country that is hurting.

It's our world.

We have gone into a new year. Looking at a "man" that we have placed so much hope in. And yet, he is only a man. And it's so unfair to place so much "hope" in a human being. I feel strongly that the only hope....the only salvation....is in Someone much bigger.

Even if you don't call yourself a "Christian", I'm asking you to join me in praying. Only God is big enough to make things right. To bring our children home.

There is a scripture that comes to mind:

2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

I'm not accusing anyone of sin. I'm just saying we need to pray and God will heal our land. It wouldn't surprise me, if while I was praying God showed me some sin I need to turn away from, but I believe that that is God's responsiblity to show me my sin.

It's my responsiblity to pray.

Our land needs healed. Not just our land....as in our country. But our whole world needs healed. And our children need a safe place to live.

Will you pray with me?

Creating a Place to Create

Isn't it interesting that at times in this journey we call life, God actually allows us to look back at certain times and realize that there was a purpose for things that at the time seemed without purpose.

I am seeing a birthing in our small rural community that I believe is the work of our very creative heavenly Father and man, it's fun to watch people's lives bloom.

There are very distinct stirrings. A coffee shop here...an art gallery there....a renovated theater.....artists experimenting....it's so amazing...I can't think of another word.

Remember a few months ago I shared my desire to start a comedy team? I believe it will happen very soon. Within the next few months. I am very excited to be working with some incredibly gifted, skilled, and talented individuals.

I look back to when I wanted to do this about three years ago and how nothing came of it except mild frustration. I wondered why God would give me such a vision and then let it die.

Something perhaps about timing....death...resurrection....community. Anyway, if you would be so inclined, I would appreciate your prayers, as I continue to meet with these others and plan and begin the work....

Below is a great video that Sherri Garver showed me and I thought it was great. Sit back, relax, enjoy....God's doing a work!

The Mansion Or The Marriage

About 6 months ago, a group of my friends were talking with me. A few of them were not church "goers", but had some questions and the rest of us were attempting to answer them. One of the things I noticed, was that some of those who did attend church said that as Believers our goal is to get to heaven. I disagreed. I said I believed our goal is to be in a relationship with God. One person cut me off and said, "Same thing..." and then continued to talk.

I let them continue. But the next day, when the same group was together I was able to express how I felt, thanks to a good friend of mine who helped me put my feelings into words.

My friend said, "Why did you get married? Was it because you loved that person or you wanted their house?"

It was a simple statement that has stuck with me and helped me to put clarity to a very important principle.

As Believers, do we accept Jesus into our hearts so we could go to heaven? I think many of us do. But if that is the goal, what do we do with the rest of our lives?

I believe that the goal is to be in a relationship with Jesus. Heaven....the mansion....is a benefit of the relationship. The mansion should not be the goal.

If it is, then we could ask Jesus into our hearts and then live any way we want because we'll get to heaven. And haven't we seen people who live this way?

But this goes against Jesus' words. His words "...take up your cross and follow me...." What He's saying here is to live like He lived. Love like He loved. A life of grace, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, kindness.....you could read all about it in the Bible.

Another way that Jesus lived is by being relevant to the culture and times He lived in.

Are we? Or are we trying to be relevant to the culture and times that Jesus lived in...which in many ways is irrelevant to this age and culture.

One Sunday morning in church a discussion arose concerning this very thing. A friend of mine felt that we could be like Jesus by being different than the world, because Jesus was different than the world.

But what does this truly mean? Does this mean we don't smoke, don't drink, don't associate with sinners?

Umm. Actually that is the opposite of being like Jesus. Jesus actually DID eat and drink with sinners. If you read the Bible, you will see in the book of Matthew, chapter nine, the Pharisees (the religious leaders of the day) were upset with Jesus because He ate with sinners and tax collectors.

When I read the scriptures, it appears to me that the way that Jesus was different in the world was because of the grace and love and compassion and kindness (etc.) that he showed to sinners. The time he spent with them, living with them, talking with them. He was their friend.

There was a time in my own life that I felt that this was the way God wanted me to live: not associating with sinners. I thought I should be totally consumed by church and church like things. My vocabulary was very religious. I did everything the church told me to do without really taking into account how it effected those around me who did not attend church. But now I see what a bunch of bunk that was. It's actually the opposite of how Jesus lived His life. He didn't do what the religious leaders of the day told Him to. He did what He felt His Father told Him in spite of what the religious leaders thought. This is why He and the Pharisees were always butting heads. They lived the rules and He live the Life His Father wanted Him to.

The scripture that I believe best depicts this is in Matthew 7:

"17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

It's not about the mansion, it's about the relationship...the marriage. Being who He wants us to be...not what the church may want or say is the way.

I'm NOT anti-church. I DO attend a church. I am encouraged to be out in the world being a light to those around me. I believe to do this I must be relevant to my culture. I believe that this is what Jesus meant when He said to "follow Me".

It's not about how we look....it's about who we are. We are His Bride. Are we in love with our Lover or His House...Mansion...Heaven.

I think if we are in love with Him...we will shine His light. I'm not sure if that is truly possible if our only goal is to get to His house (heaven).

So...what do you think?

It's Just Me!

I realize I haven't written anything in a little bit. I always feel that I MUST write something deep or significant. But then I read my other friend's blogs and I find depth and significance in what they write just about themselves. Not that anyone would find the same thing here.

So here goes!

My life is changing. My surroundings. My friends. It happens. I've been surprised by change, but also have come to expect it. Sometimes I accept it and sometimes I fight it.

I fought my son moving out of our house. I knew it was coming. We have always butted heads and living together was so much tension. We love each other, but seemed to always get in each other's way. When he moved out, it was not out of anger or because of disagreements. I am so grateful for that. I wasn't thrilled that he was moving in with a girl, but I wasn't surprised either. I refused to be the parent who says, "If you walk out that door....don't come back."

I love my son and I wanted our relationship to remain, no matter how tense it could be.

This has been a good change in some ways. I have seen him mature in many ways. He now lives by himself. I pray for him daily and ask God to help him make smart choices. I know at times he will not....after all, not all of my choices at 18 were smart. Some of them were downright idiotic.

He has maintained employment for about 5 years. A paper route, Dairy Queen, Arby's, Joanne Etc., and now R Pizza. And I feel for someone of his age, that this is an accomplishment and I am proud of him.

So anyway, that's one change.

Early in the mornings, at 7:30 a group of children wait on the corner near our house for the school bus to the high school and middle school. I use to be able to look out a window and watch Olivia and Nick walk there, backpacks on their backs or in their hands, and stand and wait. Now they are no longer there. Both have not graduated from school and are working through an online high school to get their diplomas.

We have come full circle.

We homeschooled them both until they were in 3rd grade and then put them in public school, realizing that we did not have the knowledge needed to continue.

But now, with online schools, they really can be self-taught.

I know so many who shake their heads in disapproval. What about their socialization. My children do not live on a compound in Waco, Texas. They have more socialization than sometimes in needed. Besides, they don't need socialization in school as much as they need to focus on academics. It's just NOT an issue.

So there are times, I feel a slight.....really slight twinge of "awwww." You know; missing the days when they were young, going to the bus stop, playing. I may experience more of that when they are both out of the house. Right now, I'm enjoying the sense of freedom. I don't have to find a babysitter every time I want to do things with my friends....and Oh yeah...I can do things with my friends!

Another change: Saying good bye to some friends who are pursuing the mission field. And although they were in my life for a short time, I so enjoyed their friendship, even if it wasn't as close as I would have liked it. They are much younger than I, but really made an impression. I wish them Godspeed and blessing. Can't wait to hear how California is for them and then France! I wish I could throw tons of money their way to help them. (sigh)

Another great change is the beginnings of a "creative community". My friends, Amy, Sherri, John and I have been meeting on a regular basis and talking about working with local creative people; to help them get out in the community and become known and be encouraged in the the creative person that God has meant for them to be.

From visual artists, to writers, actors, singers, musicians, inventors, seamstresses, dancers, film makers, entrepreneurs, etc.; we want to see people being who God intended them to be.

It seems since we have been getting together that there have been other clusters of people getting together and talking about moving out into areas of their creative gifts that perhaps they didn't have the motivation to in the past. I am anticipating some incredible things as I look to the future of what God will be "creating" in individual's lives and in this area.

We will be hosting a workshop/conference weekend in March for people who are interested in seeing what's happening and I am very excited about it.

So...here I am. It's just me and what's happening here. I hope I didn't bore you too much. So what's happening with you?

The "Entitlement" Trap

I'm not a huge fan of Oprah's. For those of you who know me well, you are probably chuckling, remembering the times I've called her the anti-Christ. Not because of anything she has done, but because of the power that people have given her: if Oraph says read it....you read it, if Oprah says eat it....you eat it.....
I personally don't believe anyone but God should have such power. But while I was taking my usual vacation after the holiday insanity at The Way Station, I found myself bored and watching Oprah one afternoon and (God forgive me), I liked what I heard.
The episode was about a woman who had tried desperately to get pregnant, going through all of the tests and things that people do for a long time. Then lo and behold, she and her husband conceived and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy for which they were extremely grateful to God.
When he was two, they decided to take a little trip via a commuter plane. The plane crashed, instantly killing the baby she had so longed for and rejoiced over. A week later, her husband died.
The thing that this woman said to Oprah is what really got me. She said she had this thought that if she did everything right, was good, being a good Christian, that God would just bless her and give her all she wanted and nothing bad would ever happen to her.
She realizes now that that isn't how it works. No matter how good we are or bad we are, good things and bad things will happen in our lives. She now lives each day, grateful for the life God has given her, no matter what the day brings.
She had felt an "entitlement".
I deserve good things because I'm a good person.But life isn't like that. Good and bad things happen to good and bad people alike.
I am beginning to see that alot of this comes from the mentality of the country we live in and the times we were born into.
Early on in the 20th century, our country went through some terrible times. WWI, the dust bowl, the great depression, WWII. When we came out of all of these things, I think our country said what I've heard many people say when they experience a hard life: "I'll never let my children suffer like I did."
So we created this world. "Utopia and greed" is how I heard comedian Mort Sol put it.
The suburbs, where everything was neat and clean and looked perfect. No more messes. Think about television in the fifties and sixties. The perfect families who's trials and tribulations lasted a half an hour and were fixed and cured, tied in a pretty bow at the end.
"Father's Knows Best", "The Donna Reed Show", "Leave It To Beaver", ect. We grew up watching these shows, believing that this was how life should be.
If we're good, everything will be "swell". (Isn't that right, Tommy?)
But, what if there's another world. A world where there is trouble that lasts more than a half an hour. Sometimes going on for days, weeks, months, years, even. Does this mean we've been bad? We don't deserve anything good, so this will be our lives?
Is life about what we deserve?
What about our country....now?
"Recession", "downsizing", "bailouts".
The pain and hurt is hitting everyone. Not just bad people, but people who have worked hard all of their lives and now for what?
Maybe we're just thinking about it all wrong.
My husband and I attended a class last year called "Getting Ahead In a Just Getting By World". I think it speaks for itself. It was an excellent time of encouragement and relationships.
One night, the instructor asked "What do you think you should change in your life."
My husband's answer surprised and embarrassed me. But now I see the wisdom in it.
Instead of saying "I think I need a new job," or "I think we should move into a smaller home", "Maybe I should go back to school," or some such thing, he said:
"I think I need to learn to adjust the way I live to my income."
WHAT?
Come on! We need MORE income! I was silently appalled. I think the instructor was a bit speechless. I mean, the whole idea of the class is to "get ahead". Not adjust!
But the truth is, look at what is going on. People who have great jobs are losing them. People with degrees coming out the wazoo can't find employment.
Companies are shutting down and it doesn't matter whether you work in the mail room or the you're the CEO, it's only a matter of time until you're knocked down financially....which in this country effects everything!
So? What if we don't let it effect everything? What if being poor was "swell"?
What if you were financially struggling and thriving.
What if I learned to adjust to not just my financial income, but my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual challenges and somehow I thrived; I was grateful for the life that God gave me no matter what that life was like....easy or hard or painful or mournful.
I do not want my life circumstances to have the power to change me into someone I don't like. Someone negative. Someone fearful. Someone discouraging.
I want to emulate the Spirit of God. Peace, Thankfulness, Love, Graciousness, Kindness.....no matter what piece of "poo" gets thrown in my direction.
I don't want to fall into the trap that I'm entitled to be bitter because life has gotten tough or painful.
And yet.....yet....
I am such an incredible weenie.
I'm human and flawed.
Please pray for me that I could "adjust my life to match my income", whatever that "incoming" is.

Spiritual Eating Disorders

"My name is Carla....and I am an overeater."
I use to go to these meetings back in the 80's called "Overeaters Anonymous" and every meeting you had to introduce yourself that way. This was a twelve step program fashioned after the very successful "Alcoholics Anonymous". Unfortunately, for me, it was NOT very successful.
Eating disorders are no longer a strange thing in our society. Overeating was acknowledged and dealt with, but back in the 70's and 80's many became more aware of other eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
But I'm beginning to see that eating disorders have taken on a whole other dimension. That is in the "spiritual" sense. I'm not talking about those church programs that help you lose weight, I'm talking about something different.
"Spiritual Eating Disorders" is what I call them.
For instance, in the past, I have been known to say, (concerning the church I was attending), "I'm not being fed."
I felt I needed MORE! I wanted MORE spiritual food. I was tired of the same old stuff. I had heard it all before and in different ways and felt that the pastors were not doing their jobs in "feeding" me.
I'm beginning to see, now, that I had a new eating disorder. I was a "spiritual" overeater. I just couldn't get enough. God was SO GOOD! (Oh taste and see?) I wanted to taste more of Him. And I blamed the church I was attending for my "lack".
The truth was....I didn't need more teachings. I didn't need better teachings.
It wasn't about how much I was "fed", it was about seeing the food in a different way, with a new responsibility.
I had surely eaten enough. I had eaten teaching after teaching after teaching for over 19 years.
Although, at times, I was given the opportunity to share what God was showing me; I just turned around and began to feed other overeaters....the church.
Instead of taking all this great stuff that God had given me over the years and sharing it with spiritually starving individuals....people who had not partaken of such fare.....non-church-goers, I just continued to shovel the same "grub" into the spiritual mouths of my friends. And most of them did the same.
Even when one of us, or a few of us would step outside of our church bubble to tell people about our Great Tasting God, we kept offering the same recipes over and over and over until people were just sick of hearing the same thing. The God WE were trying to feed them sounded either too bland and boring or He was too "HOT" to handle; smiting everything in His path that didn't look like the rest of the bland and boring Christians that were serving up the food.
Jesus said that we should be "the salt of the earth". We are to add flavor to the world around us. But I do believe that many from the church have lost much of the flavor and are not doing the world a whole lot of good.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get out of the dining room. Get away from the table. There is too much good "spiritual" food that God has given you for you to just keep it to yourself. The reason you don't feel fed, is because you've probably been fed enough and you need to take what God has given you and share it with people outside of the church who are starving for a taste of how Good God is!
Also, the church is in desperate need of some new recipes. Meat and potatoes or cookies and milk just are not as spiritually nutritious as we once thought. Shake it up! There are ways to serve up the gospel that have a delicious fragrance and satisfying way of showing people who God truly is.
How about it? Do you need fed? Or do you need to ask Jesus to help you try a new recipe?

Baby, It's Cold Inside (People's Hearts)

At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

I'm not one that likes to point out sin. I don't think that most of the time it turns a person to God. I think pointing a person towards God's love works so much better. But this week, a couple of things happened and a friend of mine reminded me of the above scripture. Unfortunately, I saw it in action.

I was at the grocery store when I saw someone I haven't seen since, well, last winter around this time. He is by nature a fairly gloomy sort of person and I'm okay with that in most people. People have tough lives and it does make them "out of sorts", but this man's attitude makes my eye twitch so bad that I'm afraid it (my eye) will some day just shoot right out of the socket and hit in the head!

He had come to see me for food for the first time about five years ago. For those that don't know, I'm the director of a food pantry that serves people struggling in this difficult economy. When I pointed out the pre-packed bags and told him to pick one he took one look and said "There's nothing in these bags I want."

Hmmmmm. Really?

I don't expect a pat on the back or even a thank you, but this was just unappreciation. I said, "It's free food."

He looked startled and said, "Oh...um...okay," picked up a bag and walked out.

At the grocery store the other day, I found that not only hasn't he changed, he's apparently worse. He asked me when our Christmas give away was. I told him that we were not really having a special food give away for Christmas. Our resource for turkeys had dried up and I wasn't sure I would be able to give everyone a turkey like I have in the past. I told him I did have chickens though and I thought everyone would get a chicken.

"I'm sick of chicken," he grumbled. "It's all I've been eating and if I eat another one I'm going to be sick."

Hmmmmmm. Really?

"It sounds like you don't need anything, then." I said. He sort of cleared his throat and then said, "Everyone's been giving me chickens." (He wanted me to know that he didn't really have the money to BUY the chickens, so I would know that he WAS in need.) He continued to go on about how all people give him is chicken. He's so tired of eating chicken.

This is serious unappreciation. Apparently, he did not work for this food, it was handed to him and instead of showing thankfulness, he pretty much was spittin' in their eye!

I told him the date and time of our next food give away, bit my tongue, controlling what I WANTED to say, walked out of the store and drove home complaining to God.

Now, please understand. This is NOT the attitude of the people I serve, for the most part. Most of them will thank me over and over. Some will even give me a hug. That happened twice this week when I was able to help someone with their utility bills. Most people who are in need show great appreciation and are grateful for anything anyone can do for them.

This guy is amongst the few. This guy has a bitter and cold heart.

But, he's not the only one. Something else happened this week in Youngstown that unfortunately proves we are dealing many times with cold hearts.

A man drove up to the drive-thru at a McDonald's at 1:00 AM. The person working the window noticed something about the man's car. There was a set of legs hanging out of the back of the vehicle. The McDonald's employee told the man. He got out of his car, walked around the back and looked. Then, he got back into his car, and sped out of the drive-thru, dragging this person two or more blocks. The police followed the blood path and found the young man in the road a few blocks away. He lived three more hours. They could only identify him because of his tattoos. He was 22 years old and had frequented the place where I worked. I remembered him vaguely as someone who was respectful to our workers. He lived across the street from me.

A very frigid, cold heart was in the drive thru at McDonald's that Saturday.

They are everywhere. This past weekend, the largest shopping weekend of the year, called "Black Friday", the blackness of men's hearts was seen across the country when a Walmart opened it's doors early on Friday morning and the crowd trampled a man to death and then proceeded to step over his body to buy their new digital cameras and large screen TV's. No one stopped to help the man. I heard that when they tried to shut down the store because it was a crime scene, people complained because they couldn't finish their shopping.

Well, Fa la la la la la la la la. Something (or someone) other than the halls needed decked!

I also read on line a couple of weeks ago, that when a football team, (I believe it was the Miami Dolphins? Is that a team?) tried to give turkeys to a group of homeless and poor people that the people were so disgusted with the athletes' losing streak that they turned their noses up at the team's generosity and walked away. The shelter had to ask the team to leave, so that the crowd would accept the food that they needed.

How dark and black were these people's hearts? Is there hope for such as these?

There just may be. FOX TV recently aired a new show called "Secret Millionaire". On this reality show, multi-millionaires disguise themselves as everyday Joe's and step out of their shiny, glitzy bubbles for one week and live among everyday people. The two episodes I watched they lived with people who were incredibly poor or living in very challenging circumstances.

By the end of the week, in both episodes, both sets of multi-millionaires were in awe of these people. The things they endured everyday, the strength they displayed, and the kindness and compassion that they showed their fellow man. The fun thing is, they have an opportunity to go back and tell these people that they lied to them....they weren't every day shmoes, they were actually multi-millionaires and then handed them checks ranging from $25,000 to $100,000.

Yes, Virginia, people's hearts can softened. There is hope.

As the church, what is our responsibility here? I know I've prayed for God to soften people's hearts....but being that God has given us freedom of choice....would he DO that? Or is it OUR job to ask God to help us in this? Do we become proactive in looking for opportunities to stretch and soften our own hearts? Do we look for ways to change? Do we step outside of OUR shiny church bubbles and look for ways to help our fellow man? Even if it's NOT Christmas?

What do you think?

I Didn't Go To Church This Week.....

......Actually, right now, we would probably be on our way home from church. Normally, Ken and I like to go to New Hope on Saturday evenings and relax on Sunday mornings. Last night when he said "let's go tomorrow", I was okay with it. But then this morning I was exhausted. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and go to church and then spend the rest of the day rushing around to the other events that were planned for today: a volunteer appreciation dinner for a non-profit that I'm currently serving on their board of directors and a concert where a food drive is being held for the non-profit that I work for. I wanted to be at both events, and the thought of running to church and then running home and cleaning the kitchen (which didn't get totally finished last night) and .....oh well. I just couldn't do it.

I have a friend who went through some serious introspection and doubts when her children desired to attend a church that she did not feel comfortable in. Her sorrow was palpable. She struggled and struggled. She and her husband went to the church in question with their, then, teenage children, but they just didn't like it. It was very non-traditional and they were very traditional. When I suggested they just let their children go where they wanted and they continue to attend the church THEY liked, she stated with no hesitation "No. Our family needs to be together for church."

At what cost? Eventually, they just continued at the traditional church and I felt sorry for her children. After fifteen years of Catholic church, where I was totally bored and acted out in horrific ways (puppet shows with my mittens during the liturgy, talking and giggling.....you know, regular sinful behaviour), my mother finally said "Do what you want." I am so grateful to her. Catholic Church, although the ONLY church for my very traditionally Catholic Italian family, just did NOT suit me. I couldn't sit still that long. Okay, sit still....stand.....sit still....stand...kneel.....sit still.....stand.....chant....(in Latin).....it just was NOT me. For me it just didn't have to do with God. I'm assuming, for them, it did.

When the Charismatic church was born (again, get it?), I fit in just fine. They actually LIKED puppet shows, (at least at the right time). I could be myself and their teachings went right to my heart.

I guess the point I'm making is....um.....geez....what was I talking about. See what I mean? My mind is just not in one place long enough to stay on the subject.

Oh, yeah....I didn't go to church (today) because I have so much going on this week and I needed some time at home and YES that included writing this blog. It relaxes me, it helps me to focus (more than usual). I needed to clean my bathroom and kitchen and not rely on a sixteen year old who will do ANYTHING to get out of it, including lying and saying she DID it.

Going to a service on Sunday morning or Saturday evening does NOT define my relationship with Jesus. It may encourage me in that relationship, but I don't rely on it to BE my relationship. I rely on turning my heart to God no matter where I'm at: in a church building, grocery store, in front of my computer, or at work dishing out Thanksgiving Dinner. Jesus is with me all of the time, not only when I'm at church. He is with me now.

And what right do I have to tell anyone, including my children, that they MUST worship like me and in the same way that I worship. Shouldn't I encourage them in their OWN relationship with God. My relationship with God looks totally different than my traditional Italian family's idea of a relationship with God and yes, there was a time that I think they may have want to judge me because of it, but not anymore. I pursued God in spite of what I thought they thought and I developed that relationship (with God) with the help of people who loved me, accepted me, and allowed me to live my spiritual life the way God intended me to. In the way God created me to live it. I feel that I owe my children and anyone else the same respect and consideration.

Ken and I attend a church called New Hope, a non-traditional Nazarene Church (yes, Virginia, there is such a thing). My son goes to the same church, periodically, on his own. My daughter attends church at a non-denominational church that meets in an old school across the street from our house. She also attends about 3-4 different youth groups. She is all about loving Jesus. I'm okay with my children's journeys. We all have a journey....a journey that I believe is meant to be spiritual all of the time....I call it "my life". Our lives will not always look the same, maybe at times it will, but not all of the time, and that's okay. I believe that is the way God meant for this world to be. A lot of different people, walking differently, living differently and yet each being a reflection of God. I think when we believe that, God gets bigger and bigger and brighter and brighter. It excites me.

Anyway, as I was saying, I didn't go to church this week, but I think I'll BE the church this week and love and respect my fellow brothers and sisters no matter what their life looks like. I'll pray that they find God and meet him this week in a way that will make an eternal difference in their lives.

Why It's Called: Spirituality4Dummies

I wrote this little devotion (or anti-devotion) a couple of years ago. I found it tonight in "my documents" when I was searching for a picture of myself to put on my blog. As you can see I got a bit distracted: there's no picture. Anyway, this amused me. I hope you enjoy it and don't want to throw a copy of this favored book at me.

DEVOTIONS FOR DUMMIES

I just laid down my copy of Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost For His Highest for about the third time this week, thinking once again, “What in the world is this guy talking about?”

I have been a Christian for almost 35 years and I can read most of the Bible and understand it…but this guy is way over my head.

I need a devotional that is a bit simpler.

One that answers the questions:

Does God love me when I scream at my children?

If my house is a mess am I walking in sin?

If I tell my boss that I’m not coming in because I’m sick…and really I’m not physically sick, but just sick of work…Is that a lie?

Am I going to experience spontaneous combustion if I’m muttering four letter words when some guy cuts me off in traffic?

I think that we live in a society that at times needs a much simpler way of devoting than how Oswald Chambers talks. Mind you I have friends that think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. I personally prefer unsliced, whole wheat or rye bread. Does this make me spiritually weird?

Whatever happened to “love the Lord your God with all of your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.” If I remember correctly Jesus said that the entire law was summed up in these two commandments. Why must we make things so complicated?

I guess I’m just a simple person. I don’t like pomp and circumstance. I prefer sitting in the park listening to the birds chirp to listening to a choir in a church on Sunday morning.

I think it’s great that some people get all of this other stuff. My friends who oooohhhh & aaaahhhhh over Oswald Chambers are welcome to him. Maybe they will explain him to me some day and I’ll get him. But I’m happy watching a movie and letting God speak to me through that or listening to my CD of the ocean and calm music. I hear God in those things.

Oh, well. When I meet Ossie in heaven, I bet we’ll have a rip snortin’ time. Until then, I think I’ll just sit his book next to my armchair and let it look nice.

Is The Church Homophobic?

Our church is going through a series from a book called "They Love Jesus But Not The Church". This book asks the church a few hard questions. These questions will cause your church to take a good look at themselves and maybe challenge themselves in the way they have presented themselves AND Jesus to their communities.

This week the question asked was "Is the church homophobic?" I remembered something that had happened to me awhile back.

About five years ago, I met a woman that really made me think about how the church treats members of the gay community. This woman came to me for assistance. She was a single woman in her late thirties. A little masculine in her appearance.

At the time the ministry I'm a part of had this questionnaire form that I was suppose to use at each interview. I did not like the form because I felt that is was intrusive. (I may have told you about this form before).

The thing I did like about the form was that I did get to know people better. One of the questions was "Do you attend church anywhere?"

When I asked this woman this question she said "no", she did not attend church and then proceeded to tell me why.

She said she was gay and not welcome in most churches. She had been treated with hostility in the past.

I told her my feelings. I told her that I knew what the Bible said about homosexuals, but it also said the greatest commandment was to "love the Lord with all of your heart" and then "Love your neighbor as yourself". I try to love people.

She told me the reason she was struggling with provisions was because she had a niece living with her that was a teenager and pregnant. I got the feeling that the young girl had been ostracized by her family and that her aunt took her in out of the goodness of her heart.

There it is!

The goodness of her heart!

This woman had a good heart. Her niece came in a few minutes later and you could see the love and appreciation in her eyes towards her aunt who was now struggling financially because she had opened her home to her. Months later, I would see them again, when the girl's baby was a toddler. The aunt was more of a grandma to this baby than a great aunt. And they were a very close family unit. You could feel the love when they were together.

And some in the church say "Gays are bad.....the church is good."

I'm confused. I have known more than one good church family who has thrown a teenage daughter out of the house and onto the street because she became pregnant and spoiled their "good Christian name".

I feel that this woman who is gay seemed to personify the character of Jesus more than those "good Christian" families who felt their names had been spoiled by a teenager's poor judgement.

Here's how I feel: it's time to look at these people who call themselves gay and spend some time with them. Get to know them. Most of them have good hearts and are deserving of our respect and the love that God has so freely shown us.

This is not about sin. Everyone sins. Gay people sin, good Christian families sin, priests sin...(oops...did I say that out loud?)

This is about loving and accepting human beings that were created, like you and me, in the image of Christ.

What do you think? Do you KNOW someone who is gay? What kind of impression have they left on you? How well do you know them? I'd love your opinion about this!

Jesus Appearing...in the bathroom....on the counter....in marble....true story....sort of

Do you remember the episode of "Friends" when Phoebe was channeling a woman who refused to "cross over" until she experienced everything? She crossed over when Phoebe went to a gay wedding. She said, "Now I've seen everything." and was gone.

If I had chosen this philosophy, I would join her, because what I heard on our local news this week made me want to say the same thing...."Now I've seen everything."

I have to admit, God has joined me in the most bazaar places. And many times....MANY times...I've heard his still small voice speaking to me while I was in my bathroom. Let's face it, it's one of the few times in one day I am alone and able to hear ANYTHING!

And, yes, I've seen what seemed to be his face in the grain of wood in my paneling and in the way the cement floor swirls in some places. I believe you could see or hear God wherever you want to or HE wants you to.

But this week, on our local news, a woman says she saw Jesus' face in the swirl of her marble topped counter in her bathroom. And here's what got me....the local TV news people went to her house and interviewed her. (Seriously? Iraq wasn't exciting enough for you?)

The first time I saw the news and they zoomed in on her counter, I didn't see it. The second time....Lo and behold, there He was! Looking majestic, his head tilted ever so slightly up towards the heavens... (true story).

Okay....I really don't have a problem with this woman saying she saw Jesus in her countertop. I mean I DID see something that looked like his face...just like I did in my paneling....BUT...

Bring the media out? And here's the clincher.....she feels this is her answer from God for her financial troubles and is selling her counter on E-BAY for a whopping $50,000. (She will send her daughter to college on this). I also noticed that when they interviewed her, she did not allow her face to be seen and was only presented in a sillouette.


My friend, and Pastor, talks alot about the church having a consumer mentality. We become Christians and go to church to "get something" for ourselves. I myself remember saying of my old church that "I was tired of cookies and milk and in need of meat and potatoes." I went to church "for me". It was ALL ABOUT ME!

This is a striking example of the consumer mentality. Not only does she want something from Jesus, but she's selling Him for $50,000. (I mean that is what she wants......money).

I struggle with this whole thing. I mean is this woman genuine? Am I belittling her desire to send her daughter to college? I don't wish to belittle anyone. But to me this is ridiculous. Again....it's not about what she saw. It's about what she did with what she saw. It's about making Jesus a product.

Have we done this to Jesus? Have we reduced Him to our "quick fix" for all of our troubles? Is that all He is?

Is this REALLY God's answer to her financial woes? I suppose there may have been a time that I may have even gone and worshiped at the altar of marble at the bathroom counter. I am now seeing how shallow I have been. That my relationship with God should be about "a relationship with God." Not about "what could I get from Him today."

Also, I must confess, I have a friend, who, as a teenager said he had seen the Blessed Mother and I believe him. He is not a sensationalist. He's just normal guy who loves God. He did NOT go to the media or run around trying to get attention. And yet, word got out. And when he tried to go to a certain church, they told him that they didn't want that sort of stuff in their church and turned him away at the door. He was incredibly hurt and embarrassed. He did NOT sign up for this.

So, I'm torn. I believe this friend of mine has a good heart. By the way, he eventually found a great church and has been attending it for years. But it was not his intention to create a bunch of drama.

But then there's these people....I went into Google to see if I could find a picture of this miracle. I found out that Jesus has a appeared in alot of bathrooms. Also a burrito, MRI, ultrasound, chimichanga and the underside of a dog's belly. As humorous as this sounds....

Tell me what YOU think. Do you think these people are just trying to get attention? Do they really believe God is sending them a message? What do you think?

So....what grates on YOUR nerves? Sayings I Hate and Sayings I Love.

There are a few sayings that seriously make me want to spit. When people say them, I roll my eyes and usually say some crazy sarcastic something and then they probably walk away clicking their tongues and committing me to prayer. So I will tell you the ones I hate and some that I love and I want to here your "faves" (she said sarcastically).

HATED

#1: "All I want is for you to be happy."

Did you ever watch a TV show or a movie or even (gulp) said this to your children? I just can't believe that anyone would want just "happiness" for their children! Seriously? On more than one occasion, I've been known to give the TV the raspberries because of this line on a show. My husband loves to tell my children: "Remember, your mother doesn't want you happy, she wants you miserable....now go clean your room!"

WHY?

Do you wonder why we have produced a generation of video game playing, temper tantrum throwing, selfish individuals? I'm sure that last statement pretty much says it all and it's not that I want my kids to be UNhappy. It's just that I want SO MUCH MORE for them.

I want them to be: considerate, generous, courageous, loving, giving, full of grace and forgiveness, smart, wise discerning, creative, etc.

Do you see what I mean? When you tell a child that ALL you want is for them to be happy then all they will EVER DO is pursue happiness (for themselves and no one else).

This is why parenting is so hard. If I just wanted my kids to be happy all I would have to do is give them whatever they want and watch them smile and giggle. Let me tell you, throwing candy at a video game playing 22 year old and watching him giggle and suck his thumb is not a pretty picture to me. I want my kids to grow up to be responsible adults.

#2: "When your children are little they step on your toes, when they're older they step on your hearts."

Seriously, telling this to the parent of teenagers does not help. At least not me. Usually these "words of wisdom" are thrown at me when I'm telling someone how my kid just ripped my heart out of my chest and did a flamingo dance on it. I really don't want to hear your cute little saying. I need more than this. I need help (maybe drugs?)

#3: "I don't pray for patience because then I'm going to NEED it."

Well that's just brilliant. I got a newsflash for you. That thing that's going to happen that makes you impatient is going to happen whether you pray for patience or not. I'm thinkin' you BETTER be praying for patience instead of handling that little gem on your own.

#4: "Woman of God"

How could someone who loves God HATE this phrase?! I guess it happened when someone came to my house one time and saw how unkept it was and wouldn't speak to me for weeks because they thought I was "a woman of God". Then they saw my house was messy and they changed their opinion of me. Mind you, they came to help me move and were mortified to find that we were not prepared with all of our boxes packed and the house swept and ready. It was then, that this phrase being thrown around made my eye twitch.

Oh NO! Wait! It was before that! It was when I was having coffee with a friend and she commented on my two other friends about what "women of God" they were and then she said, "And you're so funny." I HATE this phrase!

Now for a couple of sayings I LOVE

#1: "You know what your problem is? You've got a freak flag and you're just not flying it." From the movie "The Family Stone"

Yep! I've got to admit it and you may find it hard to believe, there are days I DON'T fly my freak flag. It's true. In my line of work, I meet with city officials, pastors, commissioners, judges and flying a freak flag COULD be detrimental. But the truth is: I'm a freak! And I love it! I say if you have a freak flag....fly it...with discernment.

#2: "The Bible in the hand of one man is more dangerous than a whiskey bottle in the hand of another." From the book "To Kill A Mockingbird"

I have seen this at work. People who use the Bible to intimidate, manipulate, and hurt people. I've seen people totally destroyed because someone took a scripture out of context and pulverized another person's self esteem. People have used the Bible to create their own power trips....(shall we talk about Adolf Hitler and the Ku Klux Klan?). To be honest, these people used the Bible as a rule book and more than likely did NOT have a relationship with God. There's real danger there.

So those are a few of my favorite sayings I hate and sayings I love. What about you? Do you have any? Please share.

"Come Unity" Community!

I have some friends who have been praying about and thinking about living in community. I have some friends who "are" living in community. As a matter of fact, whether we realize it or not, most people are involved in some sort of community.

Last year I had the opportunity to work a few Fridays at our local flea market. Rogers Market, (or Rogers Mall as some of us hicks call it), has it's own community. The merchants there know one another and look out for one another. Although I was not a regular, they welcomed me as though I was one of their own immediately. They showed me the ropes and even shared their gossip with me. It was an interesting and rewarding experience. It made me want to return and continue to get to know this diverse group of people that have found community in pavilions, cement and dirt floors, fruits, vegetables, and concession stands.

My first experience living in community (not counting growing up in my Italian home with my brother and parents), was almost 30 years ago. I was in a theater troupe that toured throughout the country. The women shared a house and the men shared a house. I don't recall using the word "community", but that's exactly what it was. At one point, there were nine of us living together at the "Sisters' House". It was a large old house next door to a Catholic High School and just about one or two blocks from our local state university. It was an experience I look back on and smile.

Not to be confused with another time about three years later when I moved into another "Sisters' House" in a different town with only three other women. When I look back on this time, I spend some time smiling and some time wincing at the conflict that consistently showed itself. There were serious tumultuous times. Some knock down drag out fights. Tons of selfishness and misunderstandings. It was still community. With a dose of hysteria. Some of the guys in our church called us the "Hen House". Although some of the women were offended by the term, I thought it was funny. Believe me, feathers flew!

I find the combination of "come" and "unity" interesting. Our cry for community, as God intended, in the first house was experienced. We lived what we believed about love and forgiveness in Jesus. My other experience struggled to attain the same type of community. We were too self absorbed.

Both experiences brought me closer to God. I mean that was the whole idea, right? It didn't matter how it was accomplished, either I grew closer to God because I experienced His love and grace together with my friends or because I ran to Him for safety and understanding. Both experiences were good experiences. I still have some close relationships with a couple of these women. From both situations.

I have also lived in "community" with families. I lived with a young family for about ten months who had two small children and then about 14 years later found our own young family living with them again, in my own home. Their family having grown to seven, it was a real interesting experience. Still, we are friends to this day, although they have moved to another town.

I have experienced a sort of community at my place of employment, which is also a ministry to those who find themselves in need. We work together to minister to those in our community who need food and clothing. We experience the joy of watching God work in individuals lives. We experience the sorrow of the death of young people on drugs or the elderly we love leaving this world. We marvel at the miracle of God's provision when we are struggling to attain food for our food pantry. We have conflict. This is community. It's life with one another. It's a call to unity.

Anyone who is desiring this is desiring what God had intended for us. "It is not good for man to be alone." God wanted community for Adam so He created Eve.

Although the most easy and peaceful times of my life have been when I've lived in an apartment alone, they have not been as rich as those times with others. By "rich", I mean I have acquired a wealth of grace, love, forgiveness, mercy, strength, courage, etc. when I have had someone living beside me, walking with me in my journey.

This lifestyle is completely upside down from what our culture is use to. It is looked at as "wrong". In my line of work, if two families are lviing together under one roof, one of them is considered homeless. I NEVER considered my friends who lived with me "homeless".

Everytime I made a choice to live with someone, isn't wasn't because my current situation was bad, it was God calling me to that place. A friend of mine once asked me why I moved so much. "Were you tired of the curtains?" We got a great laugh from that. It's just not accepted as normal.

Yes, there were times, I was screaming for God to release me from certain situations. They were hard. There was conflict. But it wasn't until the conflict was resolved or at least managed, that God said "Okay, time to move on." And he did that alot.

When I was living peacfully in my little apartment and Mike and Chris asked me to live with them and their baby, I did so because I felt strongly that God was calling me to. When I moved out into a trailor by myself, it was because God was calling me to a place of solitude. Those times of solitude that God gave me were much less than the times of community. I believe the reason for that was because God intended for me to live in community.

So, I say to those friends who are considering life in community, you are considering living as God had intended. It's not good for you to be alone. He longs to create community for you. Go for it!

Shame

I have a friend who recently wrote a post on "Shame" on her blog. It was different than what I am writing today.
I want to be able to articulate my feelings in such a way that will truly tell the truth of what is in my heart.
I am poor. Not just poor in spirit. Just plain poor.
Monetarily poor. Our family lives under the national poverty income guidelines. We struggle from week to week and month to month and year to year.
Today I had a whopper of an arguement with God. I hate being poor. I told him. He said "I called you to this."
I said, "I don't WANT to be poor!"
He said, "Yes you do. You want my will."
DANG IT!
He's blessed right@!!!!
The problem isn't that being poor is bad. The problem is that being poor in this country is viewed as "shameful".
Fingers are wagged at us constantly and make us feel like we are lazy!
My husband works in a place that burns toxic waste and he sandblasts their tanks. In a hazmat suit. In ninety degree weather. And HE's LAZY????
I work for a place that serves other people just like me. I see them every day. People struggling from one pay check to another. People who have cancer and can't work. People who's children have a disability and they have to stay home and care for them. People who worked all of their lives and then had their pensions and retirement ripped away from them and can't get more than $10. a month in food stamps.
And yet we're made to feel shameful.
Well, here's what I say to you...middle class and upper class America.
SHAME ON YOU!
SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Shame on you when you roll your eyes at homeless people as you drive by in your SUV feeding your children their third McDonald's meal in the backseat of your vehicle.
SHAME ON YOU!
Shame on you when you sit watching the news on your large screen TV in your beautiful home and judge your neighbor who is sitting on their front porch with three other families living with them because they can't afford to pay rent at three different places and must share a three bedroom home for 11 people.
SHAME ON YOU!
Shame on you when you make comments about people going to food giveaways at organizations and are concerned that they may go to more than one place and get food more than once a month from someplace. It's a shame that they only go to Sam's Club to take advantage of the free samples because they can't afford to fill their cart with all the lovely bulk items that you can.
Shame on you because you can help and you don't.
You don't want to enable them. Enable them to.....survive?
So, if I've offended someone today. Well, I'm sorry.
I don't want to feel shame anymore. I want to help as much as I am able to.
I, too, am to blame for these shameful things. The shameful attitudes towards others. So shame on me.
God help us to be like You and give out of whatever we have to those who have less. And sometimes even to those who have more. Just help us to be like you.

Takin' It To The Streets by The Doobie Brothers

You don't know me but I'm your brother
I was raised here in this living hell
You don't know my kind in your world
Fairly soon the time will tell

You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

Take this message to my brother
You will find him everywhere
Wherever people live together
Tied in poverty's despair

You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

Being "Out There"

I've told this story before, but I think it's been about a year...so I'm telling it again.

About two years ago, my girlfriend and I went to a local Christian bookstore and were browsing when a certain book caught my eye. I cannot remember the title of the book, but I remember the emphasis of the tag line. It was something about how Satan is everywhere and this book was going to help you recognize him in all those places that you frequent and never realized he was there.

I must admit, I could have rolled my eyes from the store to the next county. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bla, bla, bla.

I know, I know. Satan is on TV and in movies and magazines and books and in bars and restaurants. He's behind every nook and cranny. Beware! Beware!

Okay....drama queen.

But just as quickly as these feelings assaulted me, there came a nudging from God.

"He is everywhere. But so am I, and I'm much bigger."

Hmmmm.

As if a light bulb went on, I realized the immense attack on the church. Satan is out there. He's everywhere. So make sure you're safe. Stay in the church. Drench yourself in your church activities, and Bible studies, and small groups. Go on Sunday, Sunday night, and every other night if you can. Just make sure you don't have time to.....(gasp)....go out there.

Why?

Here's the dangerous genius in this. Satan knows, that if he could keep us in church and away from everyone else.....we can't influence what's happening "out there".

You may be thinking...."yeah? so?"

This was a huge epiphany for me. (okay, so maybe I'm a bit slow). But just think.....if we spent less time in the church building and activities and more time "out there"....living like Him....loving like Him.....just...being like Him; think....what's the results.

Maybe....(and I know this may sound a bit.....fantastic)....maybe...if we were "out there" more....being like Jesus...maybe we could make huge strides in helping people see Him....know Him.....meet Him....know His love.

Now, before you grab your backpack and fill it with tracts and water bottles with scripture to throw at everyone you meet....THIS IS NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

NEWSFLASH....This is just plain annoying. People will run away when they see you coming. They'll laugh at you. In the end, you will have had less of an influence on them (as in shining God's light) and you would be more of a laughing stock. AND an annoyance!

What I'm talking about is just "being there". Living your life like...well....like Jesus actually lives inside of you. Accepting people. Loving them. Laughing with them.

So....with this. I've had an idea that I'm throwing "out there" to you and anyone you may know that may be interested in what I'm throwing at you. Got that?

Anyway....I have been, for years, wanting to start a comedy team that would go into bars, churches, parties....wherever God would open doors. It wouldn't perform "christian" stuff. It would just perform short comedy skits, much like, (sit down) Saturday Night Live or Carol Burnett (my hero). It would not be improv, because I'm not very sure I can do improv. It would perform original skits that I have written (or anyone else). They would be "safe". Thus the name of the team would be....

Squeaky Clean Comedy Relief

It would be fun, sometimes incredibly stupid, and sometimes incredibly intelligent, but the goal is.....(are you ready for this?)

To make people laugh.

(GASP!)

I'm quite serious. (I made a funny.)

So, if you are someone who is gifted in this area or interested in seeing if you are gifted in this area and being part of something like this...or have some ideas...or you are interested yourself, Please comment!

We'll be in touch and we'll talk and have coffee and brainstorm and maybe even pray. Let me know what you think.

Wanna be "out there"?

If I'm "Here"....Where is everyone else?

"The Journey"

So, let's talk about this journey that we call "life". If life is looked at as a journey, are we all on the same road?

My thoughts are "no". I believe we are all on a road, but not necessarily the same one.

I'm pretty sure that some of the people I'm closest to are not traveling in the same direction as I am. The other thing that I'm pretty sure of is that some people I don't know....some people I love....some people I don't even like.....ARE on the same road. The problem is we just don't look the same.

Here's what I'm talking about:

When I first began working at the non-profit I work at now (over six years ago), we use to have this survey sheet where we would ask people these questions. I personally felt it was very intrusive, but I asked anyway and I learned alot about people.

One of the questions was:

Do you have a relationship with God?

Then:

Do you attend church?

Interesting thing....many...I would even say MOST people answered the first question in the affirmative, but answered the second question with a resounding "NO!"

The usual reason was because people in church were hypocrites. My answer to that was usually that people in grocery stores were hypocrites, too, but I still go shopping for food. I don't think I would use this come back anymore. My view of these people has changed. I try not to judge them.

Because, really, is it more important to go to church....or to have a relationship with God?

Who are we to judge what that relationship with God looks like? If were are all on a journey called "Life" are we all in the same place?

Talk about a massive traffic jam!

If we are not in the same place, I don't think our spiritual lives will look the same. Ten years ago I was in a different place on my journey than I am now. It wasn't a bad place, it was a different place. I've moved onto a new place, but somewhere there is someone in the same place now as I was ten years ago. Can I look at them and say "Wow....they need to get it together."

YIKES! I would have been really offended if I knew someone was thinking that about me. And yet, I've heard people in the church say these very things about people who don't attend church.

Or they may say (my personal favorite) "That person needs spirituality!"

If these are your thoughts....then what you don't know about spirituality is alot!

Because these people don't sit in a service on Sunday mornings for an hour or so and sing songs about or to Jesus, they must not be "saved". (this concept, by the way, is sometimes really abused by the church).

Here's a newsflash....

There was a time that I didn't attend church and I thought about God all of the time. I talked to Him. I asked Him questions. I prayed. And yet, I didn't even know what it meant to be "saved".

I had a relationship with Him. I was quite spiritual.

Now mind you, I didn't know anyone at the time who was saved who could help me to find my way closer to God. I didn't have someone showing me the richness of the Bible. When I looked at the Bible, it was like reading a foreign language. So I didn't read it. I just wanted to know God.

Then one day someone told me God loved me and wanted to live in my heart.

Really? Seriously? THE God? Loved ME?

Hey...if The God wants to live in my heart? I'm for it!

That's pretty much what it was like. I then met people who loved me like God loved me and gently (at least sometimes it was gentle) lead me and guided me on this journey I'm on now. Sometimes, they really weren't gentle and it really put me on paths that were difficult. Sometimes I chose those paths for myself. But this is a "JOURNEY"...right? The scenery is going to change. The road will not always be straight and even. Many times it will be rocky and hilly and mountainous. Sometimes we'll be wandering around valleys or caves or tunnels. But it's MY journey. Everyone has their OWN journey.

Some of those people (the ones that were sometimes gentle and sometimes...not gentle?) have moved to different spots on the journey and I don't see them any more. But God has given me other comrades that I travel with and learn with and it's always an adventure. And it should be.

But NOT everyone is THERE. And that's good.

The last I heard, God is everywhere. So He's with them...wherever they are. He holds our hands and helps all of us maneuver the rocks and mountains, He's next to us in the caves and tunnels, He's walking with us in the valleys. And if ever our paths should meet, I don't feel like I have to pull those others off of their road and drag them to mine. Unless God leads them there, I could just love them where they are and maybe even travel with them for awhile.

But I feel I need to respect where they are and even enjoy where they are and maybe God will let me watch and enjoy their journey. And maybe we could enjoy our journeys together!